The Voice in the Rain
by Gunning-Down-Romance
Summary: YaoiShonenAi, if you don't like it, don't read it. GokuxSanzo. Sanzo finds life too much to bear. Will Goku be able to stop his suicide? Oneshot.


It was raining. The water flooded from the sky so heavily that the bottom of the small knoll that the inn sat on was water-logged.

_Why do I hate the rain…? _The golden-haired priest wondered to himself, lighting up a cigarette and inserting it between his smooth lips, his tapered fingers holding it aloft.

They had decided to spend the night at the small inn since it was too dark to travel much further, despite the fact that they had Jeep, and besides, it had been a while since any of them had slept in an actual bed.

Sanzo had managed to get a room to himself, which was good, as he was tired. Tired of dealing with the stupid kappa and the damn monkey, tired of being stuck in a dragon-turned-automobile for three days straight, tired of being assaulted by youkai.

"Fuck." he grumbled, casting the cigarette aside and grinding it into the ground with his heel. For some reason, today he was depressed, more depressed than he had ever been. He cast a glance at his gun that rested on the bedside table, wondering. Would it be best to end everything…? No doubt it would be easier. He would probably be killed soon anyway, so why the hell did it matter? He swore loudly. It felt good, the coarse feeling of the vulgar words as they came from his mouth. He swore again, louder. And louder. And louder. With one quick movement, he grabbed his gun and pointed it at his temple.

_Click…_

Sanzo flinched and turned to the now-open door, the gun still aimed at his head. The brown-haired boy who had walked in blinked sleepily.

"Sanzo? What's wrong? I heard you swearin' down the hall…"

"Feh." The priest didn't have time for these trivial games. He took the safety off of the gun. The noise jolted Goku awake with a start. Suddenly, he understood.

"No, Sanzo, _no_!" he cried, flinging himself at the older man. He managed to grab Sanzo's arm, the one that had the gun, and moved it so it was pointed at the ceiling. Sanzo snapped. Moving his arm sharply, he threw Goku to the floor, and then stood above him like a fierce, angry spirit.

"S-Sanzo?"

"Don't you _dare _try and stop me, you damn monkey! You have no idea what it feels like! You don't know how much it hurts! You get to spend your days frolicking in the sunshine while I deal with the living hell that is my past! I don't need you! I don't need any of you! Just get the hell away from me!" A silence followed the harsh words. Goku looked up at him then, and Sanzo started slightly. It wasn't the fact that there were tears in the younger boy's eyes. No. It was the expression they contained. The priest couldn't quite place it. It confused him.

Goku stood now and walked over to Sanzo. Though the tears were falling freely, he met the priest's stern violet gaze.

"That's it then, is it?" Goku asked softly.

_Those eyes, those beautiful golden eyes… darkened; haunted by that which he couldn't place…_

The younger boy now let go of the priest's wrist and instead held his hand in his own… the hand with the gun. He tugged it closer to him, pressed it against his own chest.

"Wh… what are you…?" Sanzo asked, bewildered.

_That haunted gaze… He knew it well… But what…?_

"You don't care, then." Goku said softly. A voice filled with pain. "You don't need me anymore? So what are you saying?" his fingers met Sanzo's on the trigger. "Are you saying you wouldn't give a damn if I died right here, right now…?" The man was startled by the seriousness of the usually-childish voice. And then it hit him. That look…

**The look of a man with nothing left to live for.**

"Goku! No-!"

BLAM!

_He had seen that look so many times before…_

"Gojyo! Hakkai! Somebody! HELP!"

_He had seen it in the mirror when he washed his face in the morning… had seen it in the surface of a lake… had seen it reflected in the young youkai's eyes…_

"Oh god… Help! Help me, goddamnit!"

_But he had never seen it taint those perfect pools of gold…_

The blood- _his _blood- stained Sanzo's hands. The two others burst into the room.

"Sanzo is some- … Oh, dear." Hakkai instantly knelt next to the fallen child.

"What the hell, Sanzo? You finally killed the brat?"

"Gojyo- _no._" Hakkai murmured absentmindedly, but the red-haired youkai didn't need any warning. The expression on Sanzo's face was enough to stop him.

"Is he going to be okay?" Sanzo asked quietly, his face pale. Hakkai bit his lip, healing the youth slowly.

"I… I don't know. He _was _shot with a youkai-killing gun…" he finally muttered. Suddenly, Sanzo grabbed Goku's face in his hands.

"Dammit! You stupid, _stupid _monkey! Don't you _dare _die on me now! You hear me!"

_Tears._

_Drip-drop._

_Tears mixing with blood. So salty, yet sweet at the same time._

_Tears._

_Sanzo's tears. _

The two seemed to be in a world of their own now. Hakkai and Gojyo ceased to exist. Hakkai sighed with relief suddenly and gave a slight nod to Gojyo. The two left, shutting the door gently behind them. Sanzo jumped.

"Hey, what- where do you think you-re!"

_A voice. There was a voice. Calling. So soft, so fragile. It must be that damn monkey's voice._

Something tugged on his sleeve. He turned back to the boy, and was greeted with a pair of golden eyes. Golden eyes that seemed to smile. It was all gone now. They were pure once more. All Sanzo could do was stare.

"San… zo," the brown-haired boy croaked. "I guess…" he grinned now. "I guess you _do _care… after all." Sanzo dried his eyes on his robes.

"You little shit." he replied. "You had me worried." Then he smiled. A real smile.

When their lips met, he couldn't help thinking- something had changed. But as he un-tucked the boy's shirt and slipped it over his head, felt Goku's warm breath on his lips, he knew.

No.

Nothing had changed.

They had both always wanted this. Sanzo had just not realized it yet. Maybe Goku had…

And only when both priest and brown-haired youkai lay bare on the ground, only when the younger boy penetrated the monk, causing him to grasp at the wooden floor did he realize.

That voice wasn't Goku's.

It was _his. _


End file.
